Dear ShanTellem,
I have been seeing a guy for about a month. We met via online dating, but met up for drinks one night and have seen each other almost every weekend since. Though he is very kind and considerate when we do go out, 99% of our interactions (if we are not seeing each other one on one) are via text. I am sick of “HYD,” “GD Nite,” “TTYL” and all of that. Some of my friends complain about the same thing with men they are dating. Is this a new rule of communication I missed out on? Why would you want to text versus call someone if you are interested in them? I hate to think it, but I’m wondering: Does he live with someone who might hear him on the phone or am I that boring that he can only talk when we go on a weekly date? Help me, please. (Just promise you won’t text me your response.) 🙂
Signed,
Lost in Translation
Dear Lost,
I feel you! Text relationships are super wack and super boring. Granted, text messaging allows for communication to take place when you cannot speak, but it should NEVER be used as a primary means of communicating—especially when you are attempting to get to know someone on a romantic level. It’s just plain lazy.
Yes, there are people out there who prefer to text. But if you’ve regularly met with someone every weekend for a month and the chemistry is right, 99% of your interactions should not be via letters on a phone keyboard. I hate to say it, but something is up. Either the guy is involved with someone else, or just isn’t all that into you. Either way, you should not wonder if you’re “that boring that he can only talk when we go on a weekly date.” This is NOT your fault.
Before we rule him out completely (I do like to give folks the benefit of the doubt), have you called him and attempted to have a conversation when you’re not with him? If so, how does he respond? Does he answer the phone or reply with a text message? As busy as someone is, they will at least make time for those that they are interested in/care about. Granted, this union seems pretty casual, but it’s the beginning of your relationship, i.e., the honeymoon phase. So you both should be hella into each other!
My suggestion is that you call your displeasure about his communication style to his attention if you have not done so already. Give him a chance to explain/adjust his style to fit your needs. If he really cares, he will.
Good luck and I wish you the best.
Shantell E. Jamison is a digital editor for EBONY.com and JETmag.com. She’s also a radio personality, and cultural critic. Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at Amazon.com.
