By// Quassan Castro
I wish the Divas of R&B could have one episode where they all get along. I want the ladies to get to a place where they can at least do a soul food potluck, shoot the breeze and just have a conversation void of catty feuds. But after last night’s episode, Angie would probably throw hot grits on Nicci.
If You Love Me…Say It
Teisha Brown and Charmayne “Maxee” Maxwell visits Nicci in Atl. for Operation Reunite Brownstone. Both women cheesed from ear to ear at the possibility of a group reunion. It’s been about seventeen years since the ladies ripped the song, “If You love Me,” written by my friend, Mr. Gordon Chambers, and we sure could use some more sanging like that again. Over a glass of mimosa, Teisha laid down the law and told Nicci not to play with her tender emotions, she doesn’t want to start again only to stop from hella nonsense. Nicci coddles both women fears as she assures the group will keep going this go round. Nicci tells the ladies, “Bring your big girl panties on because we’re singing for grown ass women.” I think of big bloomers when I hear that expression, you know panties large enough to serve as window curtains. Find other another term of expression.
KeKe Got That Itch
Crazy Keke tells Michael that her ovaries itch in the middle of Wal-Mart. I really wonder why the stupid things that come from Keke’s mouth do not seem to affect him, then I remember that when you’ve been around crazy so long, it starts sounding normal. Keke wines about her desire to have another baby, preferably a girl and Michael shuts the idea down. Both are ridiculous for entertaining the idea of conceiving another child, while in the middle of Wal-Mart, but it doesn’t stop there. “Don’t make me mad Michael!” Keke says as her eyes roll to the back of her head–an obvious trick she uses to castrate Michael during decision making. She even had the unmitigated gall to call him a dummy.
Syleena and Musiq Soulchild
Syleena hits the studio with Musiq Soulchild to work on a CD project titled 9INE. I vibe to the reggae joint she lends her vocals to because it sounds promising. Even though Syleena is a bit left of center–not Keke ratchet, though–I let her back on my good side for working with such an artist as Musiq Soulchild. After all, Syleena is an incredible vocalist, I’ll give her that much.
You Want Me To Do What? Girl Bye!
“Brownstone is back!” Nicci announces to all of the R&B divas in a lounge like setting. Fake joy and false well wishes permeates the room. The divas give their best impression of camaraderie. KeKe turns into a character from the movie poltergeist and shouts, “Go into the light Caroline!” which is an expression she borrows to encourage Nicci to go full throttle with her plans to jumpstart Brownstone. Somebody/anybody please smack KeKe with a wet sock. The air of fake joy is quickly disrupted as Nicci announces that she needs the divas to lend their voices and time to a charity known as Divasandwildflowers.org. All of the women clutched their shady pearls. Latocha expression reads, “GIRL BYE!” In the confession booth, Latocha accuses Nicci of being a manipulative rat. The charity part of the conversation breeds mixed emotions.
Nicci Gets Seriously Clowned…Over Lunch
Rocky Bivens, Latocha and Syleena have a fabulous lunch meeting to discuss what they believe are Nicci”s sneaky intentions. “Fraudulent,” is the word Syleena uses to describe Nicci’s charity efforts. Rocky says Nicci has slickness to her; she wants free service by calling the gig a charity event. The event is sarcastically dubbed as a prom hall concert with real stars. As they ate and shared laughs, they clowned po’ Nicci the whole time. But wait! Didn’t Syleena almost play all of ya’ll in a similar fashion with her invisible tour? Oh.
Terez Meets with Saint Akemi
Terez meets with Monifah’s overly religious daughter, Saint Akemi, to inform her she has plans to ask Monifah for marriage. Not sure why Terez would ask such a rigid individual for her acceptance, I guess it’s because of the mother daughter connection. Monifah’s daughter uses her religious jargon to smack Terez’s idea of a gay marriage down. The conversation is pointless, as Terez remains subtle in her approach and Monifah’s daughter keeps repeating the same line, “I’m going to continue to pray for you.” However, Terez reminds her that the concept of God’s love is all inclusive.
Sister Angie Trades Her White Cloth for Spikes and Grenades
Angie Stone waltzes into Nicci’s steam room giving Alexis swag from the back in the day show, Dynasty. Nicci is quite bubbly at the sight of Angie but the gleeful mood is not mutually shared. Angie’s aura reads, “Cut the small talk homie. I’m about to dig in you!” as she sits down. And with a tight look on her face, she alerts Nicci that her research turned up nada on Divasandwildflowers.org to which Nicci says it’s not yet established. So, why would you have a charity event for an organization that isn’t even fully launched, let alone has a website? Anyway, Angie reminds Nicci that she made plans to donate money to the charity and if the charity wasn’t functional as of yet, Nicci should have explained that to all of the divas.
Wait! It gets deeper. Angie accuses Nicci of inviting agents and industry executives to showcase Brownstone, hence insinuating the event is more for the benefit of Brownstone than charity. Nicci flat out denies the accusation that the charity event is to garner industry benefit for Brownstone. Somebody somewhere in camera land flashed back to an earlier conversation where Nicci is assuring the ladies of Brownstone that agents might be at the planned charity function. Nicci gets defensive towards Big Ang with, “You think Brownstone need you!” And in her confessional she added, “I kind of want to snatch the chair from under her big ass.” But Angie, despite the fact that she was visibly perturbed, kept her cool, for the most part, which is hard when dealing with Nicci, so, bravo.
Needless to say the visit spirals downward. “You can take your foot and whole head out of your butt right now!” Angie replies as she sheds her white cloth persona. It was evident that Angie restrained herself from strangling Nicci, though no one would blame her if she actually did. Angie, after unsuccessfully trying to get Nicci to have a conversation like a big girl and not a defensive teenager, eventually gave up and pulled a Syleena as she walked out. The last of Angie that Nicci saw was the back of her wig as she walked out of the spot heated. Incense, candles, a bible and prayer are what Nicci requests to rid the room of bad energy. Whose bad energy? Because, Nicci’s the one who seems to be riding around on broomsticks.
Next week, the season finale is upon us and lawd, from the looks of it, Syleena is going to have another episode where she will have to be restrained.
Quassan Castro is a news and entertainment journalist.
Follow him on twitter: @Quassan.
