Dear ShanTellem,
My friend is a dog! I love him but it’s the truth. All of us know it, including him. He’s like a big brother to me and I’m like the younger sister who has to keep him away from her friends. I’m tired of it. He brags about having all of these women and now it’s starting to affect me because he’s dating one of my friends. Usually, my friends ask me about him and I am able to tell them what they’re getting into, but this one slipped past me. Now, she’s asking me what kind of guy he is and I’m not sure how to respond because they’ve been dating for awhile. My homie gets on my last nerve with how he treats women, but I’m not sure if I should tell my friend the truth.
Signed,
The Dog Walker
Dear Dog Walker,
I do not envy your position. Usually, women know what kind of man they’re dating without warning. It may take them a little time to figure it out, but they will figure it out.
I’m a firm believer in staying out of people’s business, especially if I do not think they will appreciate my intervention anyway. But there are times when I speak up regardless of who gets offended. Here are a few things to consider before warning your female friend of your homie’s doggish ways:
1. The length of time you’ve known her.
2. The type of woman she is. Is she rational or overtly emotional? Is she looking for a commitment or a good time?
3. The length of time they’ve been dating.
4. How receptive she will be to your advice.
5. How this will impact your relationship with your friend and your homeboy.
6. Whether or not you’ve warned your friend about trifling people in the past.
Answering these questions will provide you with a blueprint for determining whether or not you should get involved. I do not know your friend, but it seems like this was unavoidable. If your homie is as bad as you’re making him out to be, then your friend will discover that he isn’t right. I’ve warned friends not to interact with certain people and have ended up getting snapped at. There were even times when I was accused of being jealous and viewed as a hater. Other times, my friends respectfully noted what I told them, and decided for themselves to either let go of the relationship or see for themselves.
My advice to you is to weigh the pro’s and con’s of each scenario. Not saying anything could be just as bad, but people are grown and have to take responsibility for their own actions.
Good luck and I wish you the best.
Shantell E. Jamison is a digital editor for EBONY.com and JETmag.com. She’s also a radio personality, and cultural critic. Her debut book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction: Simple Quotes on How to Achieve Your Best Self” is available now at Amazon.com.
